Monday, August 11, 2014

It's been a long time ......


It's been a long time since I have Blogged but have come to realize that if I do not get back to Blogging now, I probably won't ever.  The last 8 months have been life changing for me.  I've been very hesitant about sharing my heartbreak but now know that if I don't, part of me will just keep everything  bottled up and I won't be free to continue living life to the fullest and expressing myself in my art and love of Crazy Quilting and dyeing lace.  I've struggled for months on writing on my Blog, it seems every time I started, the tears blinded me from typing.

Last November I was one of those people who believed "not in my family" would we ever hear that dreaded word "Cancer".   It is true, it's been said  "every family will be afflicted sooner or later".  I got a call from my mom telling me that my daddy had Stage 3 Colon Cancer.  My heart was crushed.  In January I flew down to help take care of my daddy and be there for my mom.  Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be able to handle what I did , never did I think I would be strong enough to do things I'd never done before - you have to be a quick learner in every aspect of taking care of someone who is terminally ill.  With the help of my sister Anita and BIL John, we made my dad comfortable and during his last days, he knew he was loved.

A bit about my daddy.  My Daddy, Peter Russell Boyce, was a quiet, private man and ever the English gentleman..  He was raised in England and at the age of 16 came to the US.  He served in the USAF for 24 years and another 30+ years he worked for the Civil Service.  He met my mother in 1952 when I was just 2 months old and married her 2 weeks later.   He gave me the lust for travel as we were lucky enough to travel all through the United States and live in places like Lybia and Spain.  Holding his hand and promising him I would never ever forget him, he passed away on March 16th, exactly one month after his 87th Birthday.


 


At the age of 40 I met my Biological father, Nicholas Philip Chantiles for the first time.  I found out about him when I was 18 and it was then that I found out that my real name was not Barbara Lee , but Nicki Lee ...... hence me going by 2 different names .   Meeting him was so very exciting - not only did I finally look like someone, I found out that I was of Greek heritage.  Nick was "Dad" to me.  He welcomed me into his life with open arms as did my whole Greek family.  For my 50th Birthday he took me to Greece for 2 weeks  to meet all of my Greek relatives, a trip that will forever be in my heart.  I was lucky enough to spend a lot of time getting to know him and learning about a family I had never known.  Sadly, My "Dad" Nick passed away just 2 months after my "Daddy" on May 29th.



Life has a way of taking and giving.  I truly believe that these 2 wonderful men have made me who I am and I'm so very grateful and proud to be called their daughter - Barbara or Nicki .  They are both now at peace and free from any pain and I know in my heart they would want me to go on and enjoy life.  The tears will continue to flow, my heart will slowly mend but the love I have for my Daddy and my Dad will never end.  I promise, I will never forget you and will always love you both ... thank you for being my fathers.  

14 comments:

  1. Oh NickiLee, my heart goes out to you at this time...I lost my Dad some years ago and it was just so difficult for me. There is something about the bond between Fathers and Daughters...I often think of all he gave me both materially and spiritually. I hope that soon your memories will bring happiness to you and the tears will be dried. It was years before I could play at my piano without crying..we were both musicians. I think your getting back to your laces and CQ-ing will help you to heal and deal with your losses...just remember you were loved....hugs Julierose

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  2. Dear, dear Nicki ~ I am so sorry for your double loss of these two wonderful men in your life. Let the tears flow, grief is something we just have to grow through. It is different for everyone. You have wonderful memories, to fill your heart.

    Love and hugs to you ~ FlowerLady

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  3. I am so sorry for your loss Nikki and pray that your wonderful memories will help the healing process...may all your memories of both your dads give you peace and comfort...

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  4. My heart goes out to you. I hope that as you focus on the good times with your dad and daddy, you'll find happiness again.

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  5. Time passes and you mind is filled with new memories to cherish...grand children who grow and change and fill the empty places. But, a small scar will always remain on your heart...a reminder of the pain. My dad has been gone for nineteen years now...and it still hurts. But, we must breath in and breath out...and move forward. It's good to see you blogging again.
    Hugs,
    Kathy

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  6. This is a sad but lovely post. It bought tears to my eyes to read how much your were loved by your Dads, and your love and dedication for them.
    I know the pain of losing them will take a while, but there will be a time when you will realise that the memories are no longer painful, but happy ones.

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  7. so sorry to read that you lost both your Dads so close together. Certainly it was love at first sight when Mum and Dad met and to have had such a long time together is lovely. How good to have met you first Dad and to meet all your family in Greece, I am sure you have lovely memories of that trip. Time is a great healer but now everything is so raw and you will be grieving but as I say time helps and you will be able to look back at the good times and enjoy them again. I will keep you in my prayers, Take care and have strength

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  8. h my dear how fortunate to have two Daddys. I am so glad to got to share your life with them both. Love the stories and you do have a lot of healing to do. Just heal at your own pace and let nothing hurry you. Love the story that your Daddy was from England and came over here. My Daddy was from here and went to England during WWII , married my mother , had me and brother and we all came over to the US. Just had to tell that little story kind of in a way goes with some of yours. Hugs my dear and love the blog. oxoxoxxo

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  9. Thank you to each and everyone of you who left a message for me. I would have answered soon but for some reason my Comments were not showing up. I appreciate all your love and support. The days are getting a bit easier as my heart & mind concentrate on all the wonderful memories I have and the life I shared with each of my fathers.

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  10. It's been tough for you these past months NickiLee. Connecting with others who have gone through similar losses may help.Nice to see you back in Blog Land!
    Judy xx

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  11. thanks for sharing your love story and I cried when I read this...but sharing helps with healing I believe...love mary

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  12. Dearest Nicki,
    My heart goes out to you. I've read this post several times now... you've experienced much this year. Sending loads of love to you. I left Facebook in protest and haven't had a change of heart (yet) - but, we know how to get in touch with each other!

    Love
    Love
    Love

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  13. A very sad but lovely story of both your Dads. They obviously were as proud of you as you are of them..
    Enjoy the memories of them as they come to you, talk of them to family to keep them alive.
    Time does heal and they would wish you to keep doing things you love.
    Thank you for sharing. .

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